so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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