I've blown a few things in my day
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
