I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
