There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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