we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
