hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
