I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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