this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize