which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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