I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
