I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
