so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize