I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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