I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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