Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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