Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
