Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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