her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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