Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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