Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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