It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize