what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
