Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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