yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
