I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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