I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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