I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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