Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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