The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
