Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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