just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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