we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
