If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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