Don't make out with my wife yet
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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