ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
