fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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