I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
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I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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