plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
