dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you inspire me to be a worse person
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
