Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
