its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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