I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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