Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
