I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize