and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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