i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
