If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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