Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
