tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
