I feel like abortions should bother me more
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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