I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
