Pants 0. Shit 1.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
