I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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