There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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