Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just threw up on my dentist
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
