he shaved USA in his pubs
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
