what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
