I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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