woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
