That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
