And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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