hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
