Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
