The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
