Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
