So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Still dying that you shit outside
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
