i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
